Archive for April, 2010

New Category: Reviews

Because giving my appropriately-undervalued opinion is one of my favorite hobbies, I’ve created a new category just for it: reviews. While most of these reviews will probably be for video games and other nerd-related paraphernalia, there are no restrictions for it. Anything I happen to particularly like – or particularly hate, for that matter – could end up here. Currently I’ll be using actual adjectives instead of a simple number scale rating system, but I might change it later.

Right now I’ll just be reviewing things that pertain to my rather-more-eventful-than-usual weekend. Keep in mind that I am no professional critic, nor am I a self-proclaimed connoisseur of anything. These are my opinions, written like a normal person, to be read and understood by normal people.

Movie: Kick-Ass – Gratuitous, unrealistic violence? Check. Lovably quirky-yet-believable characters? Check. World’s cutest homicidal ninja maniac? Check. Boring protagonist? …Unfortunately, check. The actual character of Kick-Ass is really pretty boring. I know he’s supposed to be a normal, nerdy, can’t-get-a-girlfriend high school student, but he’s too normal. You know why movies are unrealistic? Because reality is boring. We don’t go to movies to see the same things we could watch while sitting on our front porches. His two friends are pretty good characters, though. Their jokes compliment one another pretty well, and the chemistry is good. The love interest is as dumb as a bag of hammers, but as the damsel-in-distress in a superhero movie, that’s forgivable. Red Mist is, frankly, annoying as fuck. He’s an arrogant little rich kid whose super persona seems to be nothing more than a pampered emo douchebag with a nice car. Remember how everyone loved the Dark Knight not because of Batman, but because of the Joker? Kick-Ass is the same way: the protagonist holds the story together, but Big Daddy (yes, it’s actually a good Nic Cage role) and Hit Girl are the ones you paid to see. Where else can you see an 11-year-old girl utter the word “cunt” and sound totally badass? And anyone who says it’s “controversial” or “pedo bait” because Hit Girl is “sexualized” can bite my fuckin’ ass. She couldn’t be seen as sexy in any form of the word. Chris-goddamn-Hansen couldn’t find a problem with this. Overall, a great movie. If you’re even remotely nerdy or a fan of comics/superhero movies, you MUST go see it.

Bacardi Rum – For as dirt-cheap as it is, it’s not bad. It burns on the way down like any liquor, of course, but it gets the job done and doesn’t leave you wanting to kill yourself in the morning.

Angus Ribeye steaks – They’re Angus-motherfuckin’-ribeyes, almost $8 a pound. Of course they’re good.

Admiral Nelson’s Coconut Rum – Captain Morgan’s younger, trashier, cheaper cousin. Like before, it’s good for how cheap it is. You won’t want to drink it on the rocks, but blended in a Pina Colada it’s pretty damn awesome.

Copa de Oro Coffee Liqeur – Surprisingly good for its price. I used it to make my very first white russian, and I’m absolutely in love. I’ve made it house law to keep a bottle of this in the cabinet at all times.

Restaurant: Kanpai of Tokyo – Now I’m not an expert on Japanese cuisine by any means, but I sure do love me some Asian food, boy. But this place isn’t just about the food, it’s a show, which I thought was great because I love Japanese culture. It’s one of those hibachi…teppanyaki…what-the-fuck-ever restaurants where they cook the food in front of you. Hell, they charge you five bucks just for the show if you don’t order any food! Cory, Chris, and I all ordered fried rice with grilled chicken, filet mignon, and shrimp. Cory and I had vegetables (onion, zucchini, cabbage, and mushrooms). You get a choice of hot sauce, mustard sauce, white sauce (shrimp sauce), and ginger sauce. I got the last two, both of which were really good. I even looked up a recipe for the “white sauce”, that’s how friggin’ amazing it is. The portions are huge, as well. I got about two and a half meals out of my serving. On top of all that, it was free (Chris’s treat), and everyone knows that food tastes better when it’s free. But even if I did have to pay, I would definitely say it’s worth the money. The dishes range from about $20 up to almost $50 for the best steak and lobster money can buy. The huge servings, friendly service, entertaining show, and classy-yet-relaxed atmosphere mean it’s definitely worth it.

Game: Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning – If you play World of Warcraft, you don’t really have to play Warhammer. Aside from more realistic (and glitchier) graphics, I hardly saw any differences. A lot of people mentioned that the PvP (or RvR as it’s called in WAR) is much better, but I don’t like PvP at all so I didn’t give a shit.  Here’s an example of the similarities, that is, if you’ve played WoW: I played a Witch Elf (rogue), which starts with two daggers and very little clothing. I use smaller, quick attacks to generate Blood Lust (combo) points, then use bigger Frenzy attacks (finishing moves) that do more damage based on how many points I’ve saved up. Your currency is the same gold/silver/bronze (oh boy, what a twist) system. You join guilds, you travel in parties to take down more difficult enemies. Your professions are Cultivation (herbalism), Butchery (skinning), scavenging (skinning, but with humanoids), magical salvaging (disenchanting), apothecary (alchemy and first aid), and talisman making (jewelcrafting). The coolest thing that WAR has that WoW doesn’t are the PQ, or public quests. These quests are going on all the time, regardless of who is doing them. If you’re in the general area, you can participate. If all stages are completed, everyone rolls for loot based on participation and a number of other bonuses. It’s really fun, and encourages you to jump into groups and start working together. Basically: if you like WoW so much that you’re willing to pay an extra $15 a month to play a mechanically-identical game, then go right ahead. Enjoy yourself. If you’d rather spend that extra time playing WoW some more, you won’t be missing anything.

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The Awesome That Is Zack

Zack Reynolds: 17 year old boy, high school senior. He’s your average teenage kid. He’s about 6’2″ and would probably only weigh 130 pounds if he was soaking wet with bricks in his pockets. However, he’s probably my second favourite out of all the Reynolds boys (besides Cory, of course <3). He shares Cory’s weird, sometimes a bit dark and twisted sense of humor, but takes it a little further. He’s smart but doesn’t throw it in your face. He can hold a logical argument without basing too much on his emotions (Steven and Cory) or end up basically calling you an idiot in a roundabout way (me). He’s very mature for his age, and he doesn’t take anything too seriously. He’s the awesome, laid-back friend that everyone wants to have.

But these are all things we’ve all known about Zack. It’s been common knowledge amongst the entire family that Zack is the epitome of cool. Today, however, is what granted him a permanent spot in my top five awesome people. I mean, he’ll probably be in that top five for as long as I live. That’s just how great this is.

I was watching Doctor Who a few days ago, the third season with the Tenth Doctor (David Tennant), when Steven dropped Zack off to hang out for a couple of hours. Zack had never watched the show before, so he paid half-attention while I explained to him what was going on. He liked the show instantly, mostly due to just how jaw-droppingly cool the Doctor is. As a joke, Zack said “I’m gonna cut my hair like that”. Then we started talking about how he should wear a pair of Chuck Taylor’s and a suit to his prom, as well as a pair of plastic framed glasses.

David Tennant as The Doctor

I thought that was the end of it. We had had our little joke (mostly about how much his girlfriend Stephanie would freak out), we finished watching the show, he went home. But oh, I didn’t know how serious Zack was. He came over after school today. His hair was much shorter, parted on the left, and the right side was messy…just like Mr. Tennant. Just as a reference this is what Zack used to look like:

And now he…doesn’t. I didn’t get the chance to take an “after” photo, but I’ll post one later. He’s going to get his suit tailored Saturday, brown with white pinstripes (I think), and he’s going to buy a pair of red Converse Chuck Taylor’s to go with it. Zack, you have officially made my year. Now, if I could find some way to go to that prom just so I could see him..

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Interactivity (#1)

Despite the feeling you may have, I care about all…what…three?…of my viewers. I want you to feel involved. I want you to read what I’ve said, feel compelled to give me your opinion, and know that you’re completely welcome to do so. I want you to become ONE with me. I want you. To. Be. Assimilated.

No, scratch that last part. But you get the point.

That’s why, starting today, I’m adding the Weekly Open-Ended Question. It’s not really a poll, because there are no “choices”. This is not a multiple-choice quiz, children. They’re essay questions. You should’ve studied harder.

A new question will be posted every Wednesday, and you will have a week to answer. Why Wednesday, you ask? Because today is Wednesday, and I came up with it about six minutes ago. On Tuesday I will award one commenter with the “You’re Awesome This Week” award, which will probably be completely random. Say whatever you want in the comments. Argue with one another. Have intelligent debates. Call each other newfags. I don’t care, just communicate! Speak your minds!

This week’s question: What was your favorite TV show when you were a kid?

I’ve Created a Monster

This post serves a number of purposes. 1: It tests how well my categories work. 2: It alleviates boredom for about two and a half minutes. 3: It shows people the monstrosities that result from a love of Edgar Allen Poe combined with a love for World of Warcraft.

I could have chosen anything out of the three spiral-bound notebooks full of shit that I’ve written, yet I had to choose this one. It’s by far not the best. It’s not as well-written or well-worded, but I think it’s at least pretty original. I mean, come on, a WoW-themed poem with the rhythm and rhyme-scheme of the Raven. Who does that?! Anyway, it’s one of my favorites partially because it’s not that great. It’s the retarded kid of my collection, so I have to treat it special.

Fruitless Endeavor

In Orgrimmar’s hot midday sun,
recouping from a failed Naxx run,
I repaired, bought reagents, and tossed items in my bank to store.
I was done, exasperated.
I went AFK, frustrated.
“I’m so sick of PUGs,” I stated. “I won’t join them anymore.
“I’ll have to find an awesome guild so raiding won’t be such a chore.
Then no more PUGs forevermore.”

Reluctantly, I joined the trade,
not knowing the mistake I’d made,
and innocently asked if I could join a decent guild out there.
Initially I met with silence,
mockery, then verbal violence.
I’d expect it from Alliance, but this simply wasn’t fair.
“Oh well, I guess no one wants an 80 priest with heals to spare.”
I knew that would make them care.

I was not to be ignored.
Offers came in by the score.
Lowbie helping, hardcore raiding, PvP and some role play.
So many choices, I was frozen.
Hours passed, I hadn’t chosen.
“Now, which guild should I put Røse in?” I would ponder all that day.
Every offer sounded good, albeit in a different way.
I had to choose without delay.

I figured I’d test role play out,
see what that was all about.
I made up a story, but historically I wasn’t sure.
Mannerisms were all done,
personality was fun.
I was nice to everyone, yet all of them seemed to be bored.
No one cared that I was new, and had never RP’d before.
Quoth the GM, “Read the lore”.

Never tried the PvP,
knew it wasn’t right for me:
Angry competition, talking trash, and faction rivalry.
I had never liked that stuff,
and clothies really aren’t that tough.
One battleground was quite enough to show me I would never be
the type to gank an unsuspecting Night Elf rogue with no mercy,
even if I tried to be.

Next I tried to help some lowbies,
which, I must admit, was easy.
Dropped herbs, enchanting mats, and gold into the vault and that was done.
Endless runs through RFC,
Wailing Caverns, BFD.
It all got boring quickly, wasn’t my idea of fun.
To top it off, with all the work, I got not a thank-you one.
Within the hour, I was gone.

I only had one left to try,
so I gave in with a sigh,
and joined a hardcore raiding guild who had an ICC today.
I had never been before.
As soon as I stepped through the door,
they all saw my low gearscore, insisting that I could not stay.
They were just elitist pricks, it’s not like my gear was gray.
Quoth the RL, “L2play”.

I’d tried one of every type.
None had lived up to the hype.
All I got was lots of people that I now had to ignore.
I had almost lost my mind.
Good guilds are too hard to find!
I’m alone, and I am fine, soloing is no real chore.
I’ll use the new system and farm emblems ’til my eyes are sore.
Guildless now…forevermore.

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Characters

There will probably be quite a few people mentioned here at AToS, and I don’t want anyone’s wittle heads getting all hurty trying to remember everyone. For that reason, I decided to make a cheat sheet of sorts. If you see a name in a future post that you don’t recognize, you can always come back here for a quick refresher on who they are. I’m not going to put in-depth descriptions for everyone, because that would take far too long and would be nearly impossible. Some of them might read this, and I don’t want anyone getting pissy with me because I didn’t say enough about them. Just a fair warning: If I didn’t mention you, I forgot. It doesn’t mean I don’t like you, or you’re “not worth mentioning”. If I disliked you enough to ignore your existence, you would know. Trust me.

Because of this, I’m only giving you the person’s name and their relationship to me. That’s all you really need. Personalities and other characteristics could probably be determined by the context of the story in which he/she is mentioned. Be prepared, it gets complicated. A chart probably would’ve been nice, but since when am I a nice person? Also keep in mind that I live in a small town in Georgia; everyone here is related to everyone else somehow.

Family

  • Ed – My dad
  • Rena – My mom
  • Hanna – My 17-year-old sister
  • Kirk – My awesome uncle on my dad’s side.
  • Cory Reynolds – My boyfriend/fiance/hetero-life-mate of 5+ years, 25 years old.
  • Wesley Blalock – Cory’s younger-but-bigger half-brother on his mom’s side, 23 years old.
  • Katie Wood – Cory’s mom.
  • George “Pops” Burke – Cory’s grandfather, Katie’s dad.
  • Ashley Burke – Cory’s little 17-year-old cousin, Katie’s brother’s daughter.
  • John L. Burke – Pops’ brother, has a severe (and entertaining) case of Alzheimer’s.
  • Darryl Reynolds – Cory’s dad, my father-in-law
  • Tisa Reynolds – Darryl’s wife.
  • Tehya – Tisa’s 11-year-old spoiled brat of a daughter.
  • Brandon Darryl Scott Earl Reynolds (I’m not even joking) – Cory’s half-brother, Darryl’s son, 18 years old.
  • Deanna – Brandon’s mom
  • Scott Reynolds – Darryl’s brother, Cory’s uncle.
  • Zack Reynolds – Cory’s cousin, Scott’s son, 18 years old.
  • Shantel – Zack’s mom.
  • Steven Reynolds – Cory’s cousin, Scott’s son, Zack’s brother, 20 years old.
  • Renee – Steven’s mom.
  • Jerrilynn Ratliff-Reynolds- Scott’s current wife, royal bitch, sworn enemy of every Reynolds (even Scott)
  • Jean “Mawmaw” Reynolds – Cory’s grandmother, Darryl and Scott’s mom.
  • Duran Shropshire – Our token black guy. Grew up with Cory and Wesley, considered a brother.
  • Jerika Ratliff – Jerrilynn’s carbon-copy daughter, Duran’s ex-wife and babymama.
  • Damien “Bobo” Shropshire and Jada Shropshire – Duran’s children, 4 and 2 respectively.

Friends

The people listed here are just the ones I’m most likely to talk about; the ones I see the most often; the ones I’m closest to. If I met you once in sophomore year, you’re probably not on here. Go QQ about it.

  • Christopher Taylor – Cory’s former coworker, now close friend to both of us, 23 years old.
  • Ashley Puckett-Milano – The first friend I had when I moved here. Quirky, fun, and a bit of a cunt 😉
  • Ashtin Pope – My closest female friend since I moved to GA, going to college for game design in Atlanta, 21 years old.
  • Bradley Crow – Wasn’t sure if I should include him in “family”, he’s a lifelong friend of Cory and Wes, like Duran.
  • Lyndsey Little – Quirky, fun, pixie-like little art prodigy. ❤
  • Skyler Ledford – Former classmate, sort of a drama queen, has three facebook profiles for some reason…
  • Stephanie Dykes – Zack’s girlfriend. Just as weird as he is.
  • Jocelyn Anderson – My best friend since kindergarten
  • Sabrina Conlon, Susan Denise, Alison Bowhall, Brandon Anglin – Friends from Florida, friends from years ago.

Now that I’ve succeeded in thoroughly confusing everyone, try to memorize all of this. It’ll be on Monday’s quiz.

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An Exercise in Boredom

Oh ho, what have we here? Yet another blog without a topic. Just a blank piece of bandwidth for someone to spill their words onto. At least, that’s what you’re thinking. And you would be absolutely right.

My name is Rose. I’m nineteen, unattractive, antisocial, smart, and nerdy. I play video games. I watch Doctor Who. I argue with people for the sheer enjoyment of a point-counterpoint debate. I understand XKCD. I Know My Memes. I’m a level 80 Blood Elf Priest. Should you continue to read my blathering, I’m sure you’ll learn more about me.

I didn’t start this blog with the intention of becoming internet-famous. I’m not expecting hundreds of comments or thousands of readers. I’m not even expecting one reader, to be honest. I started this blog because I’m bored. I don’t mean “Three hours until the party starts and nothing to do” bored. I mean chronic boredom. I have no job, a list of friends I could write on the back of my hand, and no ambition. This combination leaves me with nothing to do all the time. Do you know how depressing that is? But that leaves me with a lot of time to think, and I think about some pretty weird stuff sometimes. I keep lists of the odd topics that float through my head just so I can look back at them later and wonder why I thought of them in the first place. So, as an outlet, I decided to list them all on the glorious interwebz under the name “A Touch of Sarcasm”, since being sarcastic to the point of bitterness is the backbone of my humor.

What you can expect from AToS:

  • Semi-personal journal-type posts, written as if my reader is a close friend.
  • Many posts about the things I hate, ranging anywhere from Westboro Baptist Church to the old lady in front of me paying for her groceries in pennies.
  • Actual articles. I like to entertain people and I like to write. I also like Cracked.com‘s listing style, so you can expect quite a few “Top # ______ that _____ _____” posts.
  • Written art. Poetry, short stories, etc., written by me or by (appropriately credited) others.
  • The ability to filter the above four types of posts. If you don’t want to know me personally, you don’t have to. If you don’t like to hear people bitch, you don’t have to read that either. If you only want to know what’s going on in my life, you can skip the art, articles, and rants.
  • An abundance of (often creative) profanity.
  • Correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. It may not be perfect, and a Nazi could probably scour my pages to find mistakes, but it’s easily readable and won’t give you a migraine after three sentences.

What you CANNOT expect from AToS:

  • Unique, mind-blowing concepts or enlightenment.
  • Optimism
  • Petty, retarded little teenage girl problems (and I don’t mean the problems of retarded little girls, that’s completely different). Who broke up with who on Facebook would hardly matter to me even if I know the person, so why the hell should I expect it to matter to you?
  • tlkin liek dis cuz lyk OMG its soooo kewl. My head hurts already.
  • Shameless self-promotion. There might be a “share” button somewhere on this page at some point in the future, but that’s the extent of it. You’ll never see any “PLS PLS PLS TELL UR FRENDS ABOUT ME”. Ever.

And with that out of the way, welcome to A Touch of Sarcasm. Feel free to browse and read as much as you like.

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