I’ve Created a Monster

This post serves a number of purposes. 1: It tests how well my categories work. 2: It alleviates boredom for about two and a half minutes. 3: It shows people the monstrosities that result from a love of Edgar Allen Poe combined with a love for World of Warcraft.

I could have chosen anything out of the three spiral-bound notebooks full of shit that I’ve written, yet I had to choose this one. It’s by far not the best. It’s not as well-written or well-worded, but I think it’s at least pretty original. I mean, come on, a WoW-themed poem with the rhythm and rhyme-scheme of the Raven. Who does that?! Anyway, it’s one of my favorites partially because it’s not that great. It’s the retarded kid of my collection, so I have to treat it special.

Fruitless Endeavor

In Orgrimmar’s hot midday sun,
recouping from a failed Naxx run,
I repaired, bought reagents, and tossed items in my bank to store.
I was done, exasperated.
I went AFK, frustrated.
“I’m so sick of PUGs,” I stated. “I won’t join them anymore.
“I’ll have to find an awesome guild so raiding won’t be such a chore.
Then no more PUGs forevermore.”

Reluctantly, I joined the trade,
not knowing the mistake I’d made,
and innocently asked if I could join a decent guild out there.
Initially I met with silence,
mockery, then verbal violence.
I’d expect it from Alliance, but this simply wasn’t fair.
“Oh well, I guess no one wants an 80 priest with heals to spare.”
I knew that would make them care.

I was not to be ignored.
Offers came in by the score.
Lowbie helping, hardcore raiding, PvP and some role play.
So many choices, I was frozen.
Hours passed, I hadn’t chosen.
“Now, which guild should I put Røse in?” I would ponder all that day.
Every offer sounded good, albeit in a different way.
I had to choose without delay.

I figured I’d test role play out,
see what that was all about.
I made up a story, but historically I wasn’t sure.
Mannerisms were all done,
personality was fun.
I was nice to everyone, yet all of them seemed to be bored.
No one cared that I was new, and had never RP’d before.
Quoth the GM, “Read the lore”.

Never tried the PvP,
knew it wasn’t right for me:
Angry competition, talking trash, and faction rivalry.
I had never liked that stuff,
and clothies really aren’t that tough.
One battleground was quite enough to show me I would never be
the type to gank an unsuspecting Night Elf rogue with no mercy,
even if I tried to be.

Next I tried to help some lowbies,
which, I must admit, was easy.
Dropped herbs, enchanting mats, and gold into the vault and that was done.
Endless runs through RFC,
Wailing Caverns, BFD.
It all got boring quickly, wasn’t my idea of fun.
To top it off, with all the work, I got not a thank-you one.
Within the hour, I was gone.

I only had one left to try,
so I gave in with a sigh,
and joined a hardcore raiding guild who had an ICC today.
I had never been before.
As soon as I stepped through the door,
they all saw my low gearscore, insisting that I could not stay.
They were just elitist pricks, it’s not like my gear was gray.
Quoth the RL, “L2play”.

I’d tried one of every type.
None had lived up to the hype.
All I got was lots of people that I now had to ignore.
I had almost lost my mind.
Good guilds are too hard to find!
I’m alone, and I am fine, soloing is no real chore.
I’ll use the new system and farm emblems ’til my eyes are sore.
Guildless now…forevermore.


    • Katie
    • April 14th, 2010

    Exactly why I never joined a guild, and a lot of the reason I quit WoW. Most everyone is a dick on there. I really liked the poem, by the way. :3

    • Strangely enough, I ended up joining a pretty nice casual raiding guild (shoutout to Kinetik on the Silver Hand realm ^.^) shortly after I wrote this. My point still stands, though, that finding a good guild is nearly impossible. And thanks for liking the poem! 🙂

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