It’s Been A While

I haven’t updated in a while, which is strange considering I put up like three posts in the first week that this blog existed. I’m apologizing for that, though I’m not sure why. My two most devoted readers are my boyfriend and his cousin…anyway, I’m gonna try to make up for my lack of updation (yeah, I said it) by posting little tidbits of random things that have happened. Nothing big or interesting enough has happened in the missing time span to be worth devoting a whole post to it, so just think of this one like a Twitter feed.

By the way, the reason I haven’t been updating is because I haven’t felt too great lately. My bottom-right molar is decaying horribly – there’s less than half of it left – and I’ve been taking a lot of aspirin because of it. The aspirin caused a peptic ulcer to form, so now I’m constantly battling either a toothache or what feels like the sharpest, most powerful hunger pains you’ve ever experienced. What’s even better is that I don’t have any insurance, so I can’t go to a doctor or a dentist. I spent all of the money from my last paycheck because my uncle was sending me $250 birthday money, but it’s not here yet so now I don’t even have the money to pay for any prescription the emergency room might give me.

And to top it all off, I have a really nasty and infected ingrown nail on the big toe of my right foot. Don’t mouse over or click that link if you have a weak stomach. And don’t worry, that’s not actually my foot, that’s just sorta what my toenail looks like now.

Enough of my bitching.

My Birthday

Cory, Chris, Steven, Zack, Brandon, and I went to Chili’s to celebrate my birthday. Chris and Cory, being the only ones over 21, had a couple of drinks, but you would’ve thought we were all drunk. We were loud and obnoxious, Chris and Steven had a flirt-off with the waitress (both were rather unsuccessful, but I guess Chris won), and people from other tables stared at us. I got a free ice cream brownie thing, but the waitress – I think her name was Karrie, she was cool as hell – told me that, as a gift, she wouldn’t get the whole staff to sing to me. We were going to go see Prince of Persia afterward, but decided not to. Brandon and Zack went home. The rest of us got shitfaced at me and Cory’s house. Steven did three shots in a row and ended up sick for the rest of the night. Fuckin’ lightweight. Chris passed out on the couch, and Cory topped off a perfect birthday by starting a fight for some immature reason. But that’s not important anymore.


Cory, Chris, Steven, and I went to Buffalo’s on Saturday just because we felt like it. Buffalo’s is a bar/grill place, in case you’ve never heard of it; very laid-back place, serves wings and burgers and the typical stuff. Originally I was supposed to pay for me and Cory, and Chris would cover Steven because he drove…and he was broke. But when we got there, Chris decided he wanted to drink, but I guess he didn’t wanna drink alone. He volunteered to pay for Cory because he knew I didn’t have the money for drinks. They got pretty drunk while Steven and I had to sit there sober, then they went to the bathroom together. They were gone for a long time. As to be expected, we made jokes about giving handjobs in the bathroom for the rest of the night. My boyfriend was stolen from me by a man more feminine than I am.


Afterward, we went home and started drinking. Initially, Steven and I had full intentions on catching (then surpassing) Cory and Chris in BAC, but Steven’s a little chicken shit and didn’t do it. We sat there playing various card games and watching Wesley play Red Dead Redemption. I made the most awesome drinks in the world: Caramel frappuccinos with Kahlua. The best part, though, was Chris and Steven’s little wager. Chris was cheating by stacking the deck and, though Steven knew this, he couldn’t catch him doing it. He told Chris “If you cheat again and I don’t catch you, I’ll shoot myself point blank in the head with this gun,” and picked up an airsoft shotgun.

Way more painful than it looks.

Chris cheated again, Steven didn’t catch him…again, so Steven went through with his bet. After more than 5 minutes of stalling and being nervous, he tried to pull the trigger and the safety was on. After getting up the nerve again, he shot himself only to realize the gun wasn’t loaded. That’s probably a good thing. I was shot in the nose with one of those – not point blank either, about 15 feet away – and it broke the skin and was bruised for a week.

But that’s when Steven just had to push it further. “Okay, if you do it again and I don’t catch you, I will put this gun on my nuts and pull the trigger” was the wager this time. Of course, he just accused Chris of cheating every time for the next three or four hands. We caught on, because…well, I don’t think Steven has ever outsmarted any of us. Chris changed it to “If you accuse me and I’m not cheating, you have to shoot yourself, too.” Steven, being a masochist and a fool, accepted. After the next hand, this is what happened.

If you look closely, even OJ (my badass, one-eyed cat) is like “DUDE WTF?!”


I can’t even say anything about it. Went to a concert in what seemed like an abandoned zombie house. The bands were a bunch of people no one’s ever heard of (and for good reason –  you don’t mix metal and punk and get anything worth a damn). The fans were sweaty, hairy hipsters that are too cool to shower and thus smelled like fried taint. There was some pretty cool, strange artwork on the walls, though. That was okay. And we found what must be the door to Uncle Touchy’s Naked Puzzle Basement.

We all float down here.

Aside from that, I spent most of the night beside Steven’s car with a horrendous toothache. He didn’t want to leave, of course, because he was loving every minute of it. I swear, I might just have a heart attack if that boy ever develops a sense of taste.

Saints Row 2

This isn’t a review, this is just a notice to tell everyone that I have created the best Saint’s Row 2 character of all time. OF ALL TIME. In Uncle Touchy’s Naked Puzzle Basement, through the Candy Cane Forest, beyond the Gumdrop Mountains, lurks…the Warden. He is the last step in your daring escape from the Basement’s dark, pedophile-ridden depths. Smelling of sweat, Brut, and Zima, you face the only obstacle between you and freedom. He is the stuff of your nightmares, and he’s wants that booty.

Hey there sugah.


    • Mary
    • June 9th, 2010

    This is hilarious. I can’t believe Steven actually shot himself in the nuts. Poor guy.

    • Oh, anyone who knows Steven doesn’t find it hard to believe that he’d do it…at least anyone who saw him outside of school. Remember when he snorted pepper at the lunch table? It’s 10 times as bad. Years ago, a friend of mine (Josh Prince) had a video on his phone of Steven using Germ-X to set his balls on fire. I’m not sure why, but he has this masochistic fixation on hurting his own testicles.

      But I’m glad you liked it!

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